DON'T BE A KNEE-JERK: A Guide to Effective Self-Matchmaking
or, To Stop Kicking Oneself in the Face, Know One's Actual Relative Worth
[credit: dailymail.uk.com]
Would you like greater success in the dating world or finding a mate?
[TLDR:CAMERA Warning — but remember: you have every right to avoid the information in this set of essays because pushing past your attention span long enough to educate yourself is inconvenient, because you do always have the option to continue unsuccessfully approaching the wrong potential partners on your way toward a long future of extended loneliness, but there are no life transformations right around the corner for the lazy.]
Are you tired of mansplaining?
[Warning to women: making the best use of the following information will in most cases require finding a man to diplomatically explain it to you.]
Have you been unfairly excluded from the good life?
[Disclaimer: the following is not intended to diagnose or treat disease; to constitute legal advice; or to make claims about how to win in Vegas or on the stock market. It’s also not intended to assert that any man should alter himself for the purpose of snagging or shagging women (in other words, what follows is not intended for either chameleonic male or female pick-up-artists, and no encouragement will be given to manipulate or deceive in order to succeed with the opposite sex). It is entirely intended for informational purposes so both men and women can ascertain which potential partners are realistically available for them.]
[credit: thelist.com]
Are you looking for simple rules for pursuing a good woman?
[If I were to give advice to men, it would be to refuse to chase women and instead counterintuitively let them offer themselves to you and/or request that you marry them. That – rather than chivalrous, pedestalizing romance – is the true natural order. In fact, I would advise any man to give serious consideration to the possibility that both marriage and unprotected sex may be the last things most men need. As Paul Elam wrote in MEN*WOMEN*RELATIONSHIPS (2019) in an essay titled, The Real Reasons to Not Get Married:
“First, let’s look at how most relationships begin. . . . Relationships start with men competing to present themselves as capable protectors and providers for women. Straight out of the gate it is not about your character, your personality, or your decency as a human being. Nor is it about your capacity to love, communicate or be a good father.”
No, in most cases with modern women, it’s all about the cha-ching and the degree to which men will let women take advantage of them. As Elam reminds us, feminists are prevaricating when they label marriage as an “institution that enslaves women and turns theme into chattel that can cook and wash dishes.” If anything, men are more prone to becoming the indentured servants.
Women need men more than men need women, so it behooves women to learn how to articulate what it is about a particular man she wants to temporarily or permanently align herself with – and articulate it to him. Respectful cooperation should also be present from the jump – and no woman who plays hard to get is ready to respectfully cooperate, just as no man who puts up with it is ready to lead. I know; been there, done that.]
[credit: girlschase.com]
Do you wonder where all the good men have gone?
[Conversely, if I were to give advice to women, it would be to stop expecting men to do most of the pursuing. At the very least, make it obvious when you’re interested in a man. Given that y’all are far more picky than we are, it just makes no damned sense that you aren’t categorically giving specific men a clue that you find them especially appealing. Men aren’t mind readers; they’re too busy creating and maintaining the world you take for granted to have energy left over for being clairvoyant.]
Maybe you’re asking all the wrong questions.
To make full use of this multi-part essay, it’s pretty necessary to first go back and read my previous Substack essay titled High Value Isn’t Always About Looks or Money. Better yet, return also to Why Give Up the Milk when I Can Get the Bull for Free?, The Effect Is Not the Cause of the Cause, Are We Not Mules? . . . We Are Devo! and The Logic Behind My Masculinity Prescriptions.
The point I’ve been making is that determining one’s prospects for either sex or marriage aren’t as cut-and-dried as some internet engagement-farming-hucksters make them out to be. After publishing the May 2024 piece, a female friend challenged me to develop an instrument to aid people in actual self-assessment, so that will be reflected by the bulk of what follows.
Section I: Part 1: Comprehensive Sexual Marketplace Value (C-SMV) for Men
Section I: Part 2: Comprehensive Sexual Marketplace Value (C-SMV) for Women
Section I: Part 3: Keys for Determining Attractiveness . . . and the effects of Tattoos
Section I: Part 4: Keys for Determining Charisma, Sense of Humor, Intelligence . . . and the effects of Stepchildren . . . and Body Count
Section II: Part 5: Permanent Partner Marketplace Value (PPMV) Assessment Inventory for Men
Section II: Part 6: Permanent Partner Marketplace Value (PPMV) Assessment Inventory for Women; Scoring; Conclusions; Recommendations
Like it or not . . .
[credit: linkedin.com; note that, in these urban areas, female desirability peaks at age 20, male desirability doesn’t peak until age 50, and that, after 30, a woman’s desirability will never again match that of a 65-year-old man]
[credit: therationalmale.com]
This much is free; to read the rest, one must become a paid subscriber.
Most of my written essays that burst forth from time to time will always remain free, but I’ve added some paid subscription levels:
· Free: unlimited access to all public imnhvn Substack articles except for “Don’t Be a Knee-Jerk” and other future Premium articles.
· $13 Monthly (unlimited memberships): all of the above, plus access to all Premium articles, the first of which is the 6-part “Don’t Be a Knee-Jerk:” an entire analysis of how to determine Comprehensive Sexual Marketplace Value (C-SMV) and evaluate oneself with the Permanent Partner Marketplace Value (PPMV) Assessment Inventory (minimum $200 value).
· $500 Annual (memberships capped at 100) ($1300 value): all of the above, plus:
o one written personal C-SMV evaluation per year through text or email (provided after 2 months of paid membership and then annually: $100 value);
o one written personal PPMV evaluation per year through text or email (provided after 3 months of membership and then annually: $400 value);
o semi-annual 45-minute telephone life-coaching sessions (must complete homework before scheduling next session) (first session provided after 4 months of membership: $500 value); plus
o an ‘END MALE CHUMPNESS’ bumper sticker.
· $5000 Founding Annual (memberships capped at 10) ($13,000 value): same but:
o Up to weekly telephone life-coaching sessions, which will begin immediately after completing 1st C-SMV and 1st PPMV. Must complete homework before scheduling following sessions, or session-length will be truncated.
o Unlimited written C-SMVs and PPMVs, with this caveat: evaluations provided as frequently as life-changing milestones occur. No changes or milestones, no written evaluations; plus
o ‘THE STRIKE to end Female Independence Delusion’ bumper sticker and all other new bumper stickers as they become available.
· Full disclosure/disclaimer: I am a former psychotherapist. I’ll be providing life coaching, not psychotherapy. I quite purposefully left that profession 30 years ago; I do not maintain any licenses or certifications; and I’m not connected to any aspect of mental health or social services networks. Therefore, if you’re in therapy, on psychiatric medicines, or struggling with any mental health diagnoses, please don’t sign up for this.
· In addition: If you’re averse to coaching – that is, if you aren’t ready to be significantly challenged to examine yourself or to step out of your comfort zones, it’s best not to sign up for the Founding level.